Hello faithful followers
Seven years ago on December 1, my life’s mate, Steven, beat me to Heaven! He was always so competitive. 🙂
Grief is a hideous competitor, and these seven years of wrestling have been, and still are, equal to a full ride at an Ivy League institution of higher learning. Lots of words stretched across this page to say simply, I have learned a lot.
Recently i heard a message titled, “when you have nothing else to give.” The application for me was poignant. Living with pain? Give it to God. Living with sorrow? Give it to God. Given all you have to give? Give the giving to God.
Complex assignment this, for sure. Yet, over these seven years, when I feel like i have given Steven to Jesus so many times; when i have given faithfully to Jesus all i know to give, what lack I yet in the pursuit of victory?
Solution you ask? Yes, thanksgiving. ‘It is impossible for depression to coexist with gratitude’…i believe Andy Andrews said that, and it is true! Grief’s firm grip releases when i turn thoughts to gratitude and fill my heart and mind with honest thankfulness.
A person I love dearly said once early on in the sorrow, ” one day you will smile remembering the good times you had together…” That made me so frustrated at the time. How can i even think like that when all i do is fight back tears and cry hard alone? Over these years of ‘higher education,’ however, her words now ring true and i do smile remembering such wonderful times over our 40+ life together.
Fast forward…i have left my beautiful Washington State for the blessings of future years close to previously distant family members. And it’s all Good! I will always cherish the webs between my toes developed from living and loving in the gentle rain of the Pacific Northwest. I miss the mountains, the soaring pines and dripping cedars, the surrounding waters and the short distance to ocean winds. It is a sad departure, for sure.
However that same dear lady that spoke words to me seven years ago spoke words again that carry me along…
“You are not going for your eyes, you are going for your heart.”
Hold on dear friends…it’s gonna be worth it all one glorious happy day!
